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The O&P website and blog, forums, and wiki are where most of my new writing on M/s appears. The IE website will stay online indefinitely to host the IE Essays and lili's writings. lili and I pursued our M/s relationship from 2000 to 2008, and lili has kindly given her permission for these essays and posts to remain here, in the hope that submissives and slaves will continue to be helped and inspired by them.

Letting go

Posted by lili on Sat 9 Dec 00, 6:43 PM

Tanos is away.

He left early this morning. When I heard the door close tears were in my eyes. I am not afraid of being alone. I feel quite proud that he has chosen to leave me "in charge" if you will. I don't feel sad or upset. I don't feel like crying. The tears in my eyes?..I don't know why they were there other than I felt such a rising pressure in me that it spilled out of my eyes in the form of tears.

I have never loved anyone the way I love Tanos. It is indescribable, unfathomable. It used to scare me, or rather it used to make me afraid because I knew how enormous the potential for hurt was [still is.] It doesn't seem to matter anymore though, nothing does. I used to worry that I didn't want my freedom. I used to worry I'd end up being hurt. I don't worry about those things anymore, it seems like such a waste of emotion.

I love him, like I have never loved another, like I will never love another [I feel sure.] That seems to be enough now. Is that "letting go?"

[Thank heavens he's back at the end of the week!]

Edited Wed 21 Feb 01, 9:29 AM by lili

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