O&P website and blog,
are where most of my new writing on M/s appears. The IE website will stay
online indefinitely to host the IE Essays and lili's writings.
lili and I pursued our M/s relationship from 2000 to 2008, and lili has kindly given her permission for these essays and posts to remain here, in the hope that submissives and slaves will continue to be helped and inspired by them.
The elements of a Master-slave relationship
Posted by lili on Sun 17 Dec 00, 11:33 AM
There are many elements required to create and maintain
a Master slave relationship.
Some are specifically D/s but many are not, although
they are essential to the healthy development of an
ownership based relationship.
It is essential that the Master fosters a non-
judgemental means by which the slave can express
herself. Verbal communication is common but a Master
will often introduce many other means by which he
develops access to the slaves inner most self.
Journalling or letter writting, e-mails and mailing
lists are common but a Master will also spends a great
deal of time observing his slave because he needs to
know how she "works" in order to control her.
Equally a master [because he is Master] has no fear of
repraisals from his slave. She is not in a position
to "punish" him for his behaviour or thoughts as a
vanilla partner would be. He is able to promote what
his preferences are and forbid those practices he finds
displeasing, in this way the slave is given unique
access to his innermost thoughts and desires.
The dynamic of power in an ownership relationship also
removes the need to play "games". In a vanilla context
we are discouraged from asking for what we would like
[it's not seen as polite to do so] equally we are
pressured not to refuse someones desires [even if we
believe it is against the interests of that person or
our relationship.] Self sacrifice is promoted as
Devotion and love:
In a Master-slave relationship one of the best ways a
Master can show love and a slave show her devotion is
by the giving of attention. [To such an extent that the
withdrawl of a Masters attention is one of the most
effective puishments I have experienced.] We see our
time together [alone] as very precious and we guard it
fiercely. Those who have children often make a great
effort to retain "special" time for each other.
Master's devise all sorts of weird and wonderful ways
to keep themselves the center of their slaves thoughts
throughout the day.
All these things [and many more I have not touched
upon] are means by which we drive our relationship. In
essence, however, they are all things that, if the D/s
element were removed, could create and sustain a sound,
loving and happy vanilla relationship.
The communication and honesty. The lack of games
playing, the focus of each other's attention and the
respect for each others thoughts and feelings. Loyalty,
love, integrity and respect, aren't those the very
things every and any good relationship should be
The idea of submission is extremely appealing to many
women. "Mills and Boon" type novels are testamount to
the female fascination with dominant men.
Before pursuing a Master-slave relationship there are
questions to ask, qustions far more profound than
simply "am I submissive/dominant"?
Answer honestly when you ask yourself:
Exactly which elements of an ownership based
relationship appeals to me?
Do I really need the level of control and discipline
that such a relationship offers?
Do I need a Dominant/submissive element in my life?
What degree of D/s would I be happy with?
Do I need to retain some degree of control to be happy?
Would introducing some of the elements [listed above]
be enough to make my relationship what I want?
Do I need more?
How much more do I think I need?
Is submission/dominance my reality?
The fact is Master-slave relationships do not work for
everyone, they are not right for everyone.
However, the elements used to drive a Master-slave
relationship can be instrumental in sustaining a good,
loving and healthy relationship [including a
relationship with no D/s elements whatsoever.]
Before embarking on the search for a Master or slave be
very sure that your fundemental need is to be owned or
Edited Sun 17 Dec 00, 12:24 PM by lili