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The O&P website and blog, forums, and wiki are where most of my new writing on M/s appears. The IE website will stay online indefinitely to host the IE Essays and lili's writings. lili and I pursued our M/s relationship from 2000 to 2008, and lili has kindly given her permission for these essays and posts to remain here, in the hope that submissives and slaves will continue to be helped and inspired by them.

The elements of a Master-slave relationship

Posted by lili on Sun 17 Dec 00, 11:33 AM

There are many elements required to create and maintain a Master slave relationship. Some are specifically D/s but many are not, although they are essential to the healthy development of an ownership based relationship.

Communication: It is essential that the Master fosters a non- judgemental means by which the slave can express herself. Verbal communication is common but a Master will often introduce many other means by which he develops access to the slaves inner most self. Journalling or letter writting, e-mails and mailing lists are common but a Master will also spends a great deal of time observing his slave because he needs to know how she "works" in order to control her.

Equally a master [because he is Master] has no fear of repraisals from his slave. She is not in a position to "punish" him for his behaviour or thoughts as a vanilla partner would be. He is able to promote what his preferences are and forbid those practices he finds displeasing, in this way the slave is given unique access to his innermost thoughts and desires.

Honesty: The dynamic of power in an ownership relationship also removes the need to play "games". In a vanilla context we are discouraged from asking for what we would like [it's not seen as polite to do so] equally we are pressured not to refuse someones desires [even if we believe it is against the interests of that person or our relationship.] Self sacrifice is promoted as honorable.

Devotion and love: In a Master-slave relationship one of the best ways a Master can show love and a slave show her devotion is by the giving of attention. [To such an extent that the withdrawl of a Masters attention is one of the most effective puishments I have experienced.] We see our time together [alone] as very precious and we guard it fiercely. Those who have children often make a great effort to retain "special" time for each other. Master's devise all sorts of weird and wonderful ways to keep themselves the center of their slaves thoughts throughout the day.

All these things [and many more I have not touched upon] are means by which we drive our relationship. In essence, however, they are all things that, if the D/s element were removed, could create and sustain a sound, loving and happy vanilla relationship.

The communication and honesty. The lack of games playing, the focus of each other's attention and the respect for each others thoughts and feelings. Loyalty, love, integrity and respect, aren't those the very things every and any good relationship should be founded in?

The idea of submission is extremely appealing to many women. "Mills and Boon" type novels are testamount to the female fascination with dominant men.

Before pursuing a Master-slave relationship there are questions to ask, qustions far more profound than simply "am I submissive/dominant"?

Answer honestly when you ask yourself: Exactly which elements of an ownership based relationship appeals to me? Do I really need the level of control and discipline that such a relationship offers? Do I need a Dominant/submissive element in my life? What degree of D/s would I be happy with? Do I need to retain some degree of control to be happy? Would introducing some of the elements [listed above] be enough to make my relationship what I want? Do I need more? How much more do I think I need? Is submission/dominance my reality?

The fact is Master-slave relationships do not work for everyone, they are not right for everyone. However, the elements used to drive a Master-slave relationship can be instrumental in sustaining a good, loving and healthy relationship [including a relationship with no D/s elements whatsoever.]

Before embarking on the search for a Master or slave be very sure that your fundemental need is to be owned or to own.

Edited Sun 17 Dec 00, 12:24 PM by lili

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