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The O&P website and blog, forums, and wiki are where most of my new writing on M/s appears. The IE website will stay online indefinitely to host the IE Essays and lili's writings. lili and I pursued our M/s relationship from 2000 to 2008, and lili has kindly given her permission for these essays and posts to remain here, in the hope that submissives and slaves will continue to be helped and inspired by them.

A new twist on poly?

Posted by lili on Sat 14 Jul 07, 10:16 AM

There's been quite a lot of discussion recently about various poly topics, most of which seem to focus on the difficulties experienced by people first coming into a poly relationship (be that from the person already established in the relationship or the person coming in new to an already established relationship.)

i'm genuinely pleased that these things are being discussed, as painful as that may be for those who choose to share their experiences.

As the person who was already established in a relationship that evolved into poly i can only express my own perspective on such issues and up until relatively recently haven't really felt too qualified to talk about things beyond the initial stages of such a relationship (those things that are commonly discussed, like communication, understanding, support and jealousy.)

Having now (as of today) been living in a full time, poly relationship for precisely 556 days perhaps it's time to introduce some new topics on this issue - and one of those foremost on my mind right now (and to be frank its one i haven't managed to see or hear discussed in poly circles anywhere i participate) is how does one deal with the feeling of powerlessness which arises out of a poly (M/s) relationship where decisions about how the relationship between the others involved lies naturally outside your remit of control (note i'm talking here about control and not discussion.)

Now, this sounds very dark and mysterious, and i'll admit i'm struggling to describe how or why these feelings have come about but let me state quite categorically that they do not arise from any rational or logical place, nor have they come about by any actions or words on the part of Tanos or popi, infact, i suspect, quite the opposite.

i'm a bit of a worrier, and one of my main worries at the moment is what would i do if Tanos and popi decided to part ways. Not that they or their relationship gives me any cause for concern on this score - these worries arise simply because the more i come to love popi and the relationship we all have together in the house, the more i feel worried that the bubble will burst, and i'll be powerless to stop it.

Poly isn't easy all of the time, but neither is any other kind of relationship (at least in my experience) but i really couldn't see Tanos and i ever going back to a monogamous relationship, but neither could i see being poly with anyone else but Tanos and popi - so there's a new twist on poly issues, and it's certainly not one that ever entered my head when we first considered becoming polygynous - so i guess, rather than looking for an answer, i'm actually feeling somewhat obliged to put the idea out there in the first place ;-)

lili x

Edited Tue 17 Jul 07, 7:25 AM by lili

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