When less really is more...

Posted by lili on Tue 20 Feb 01, 9:28 PM

I have heard many submissives say that they had submissive tendencies from a very early age and I know that I experience submissive responses to situations not just dominant personalities, so is submissiveness exclusively linked to sexuality and/or a dominant? Is it induced only in a D/s context? ....and what is this feeling of submissiveness anyway?

This weekend Tanos took me up into the Yorkshire dales. We stood at the edge of a sheer drop and looked out. I could see for miles, right to the horizon. I looked out to the horizon and up to the sky and I looked down at the rocks I was standing on. I could see the way a great river had carved out patterns in the rocks, centuries ago.

It gave me a feeling very like submissiveness. A sense of small, insignificance in the face of such vastness. Even the vastness of time and how, compared to those rocks my lifetime was just a speck. It was a wonderful, secure, peaceful feeling that made me feel incredably humble and overwhelmingly vulnerable. A wonderful sense of disappearing, that isn't in the slightest bit negative. The feeling that nothing really matters because everything else is so very "big".

Sometimes I wonder if it's that feeling, that vulnerability, that makes some people so fearful of letting go, after all, if the Master has the ability to not just induce, but control, your submissive responses to him, then he also has the ability to make you feel incredably vulnerable in his presence.

As to sex, well yes, serving Tanos turns me on, infact I eroticise many of the mundane chores I do because I am serving him by doing them. Of course the intimacy of sexual activity is wonderful, and, for me, dominance triggers arousal as much as it triggers submissiveness.

At the beginning of our relationship sexuality was very much at the forefront of my mind, I remember being turned on almost all of the time, often just at the thought of him, those butterflies in my stomach, not wanting to eat, not wanting to sleep, what fun!.... but I don't believe that is something exclusive to M/s or even D/s its something that happens in any new relationship, most likely because it is the easiest and most obvious way to be intimate with someone.

As time went on, those things changed and its now that I really realise how important an M/s relationship is to me because with M/s the intimacy is not lost, it is developed [so long as you do the work] it becomes fundemental to the nature of the relationship and Tanos is intimate with my mind as well as my body.

After a while other things emerge, things like loving, adoration, respect, trust, support and protection. I get peace from other things like sharing a history, sharing a sense of humour, building our lives around one another and having someone who knows me more intimately, and in every way it is possible to know a person [not just sexually.]

I would love to be proved wrong, but I really don't know of any relationships that have lasted the course based purely on sexual intimacy. Sex can be such a big driving force in any relationship, particularly in the beginning, but its just one corner of something which has the potential to be so much more.

I can't help wondering how long things would last, or thinking how sad it would be, if sex was really the only thing we shared..

Edited Tue 20 Feb 01, 9:41 PM by lili