O&P website and blog,
are where most of my new writing on M/s appears. The IE website will stay
online indefinitely to host the IE Essays and lili's writings.
lili and I pursued our M/s relationship from 2000 to 2008, and lili has kindly given her permission for these essays and posts to remain here, in the hope that submissives and slaves will continue to be helped and inspired by them.
Posted by lili on Thu 21 Jun 01, 1:58 PM
Is it human nature to be fascinated by the mysterious?
It would seem that "mysterious" cultures hold a
fascination with many of us at the moment.
"The tales of Sinbad", "Arabian nights", "The Market
and even "The story of 'O'".
Tales of secret societies, exotic rituals, beautiful
people and wonderful places. There would seem little
doubt that many people are drawn to these fantasies in
the hope that there-in lies a reality, after all is it
not true that there is no smoke without fire?
The current trendiness of "mysterious cultures" seems
reflected into mainstream society with it's "yoga
guru's", "Tai-chi Masters", "Reiki practitioners"
and "crystal healers".
So you want to know more about a different lifestyle?
The first set of questions that always spring to my
"What is it that says all these people are
Are they really "Masters" of what they do and who gets
to decide that?
What tests did they pass?
How do I know they are as good as they say they are?
Of course it's not like signing up for a doctor or
something. Would I let loose a man with a scapel if I
was not sure he was trained to operate on humans?
In most of the mysterious arts, there are no governing
bodies, there are no "colleges" or "diplomas".
We can, of course, trust word of mouth. If there are
those we trust as friends who say "this person is good"
then we have some assurances, don't we?
What happens, then, if what we seek is guidance in
how to decipher our own nature. What if we have only
just walked into the world of Dominance and
Of course we have not had time to find friends we
can trust beyond doubt and we don't understand
the "rules" anyway.
The advice frequently heard is "you need a 'mentor'".
This has always confused me. What, exactly, do people
mean when they use the word "Mentor"?
It would appear that a mentor is some kind of a
guardian, a teacher, a "protector".
The word, infact, originated in greek mythology
where "Mentor" was the friend of Odysseus [and tutor of
Telemachus.] In modern times it is used to describe "an
experienced and trusted friend."
It would seem that in D/s circles the word "Mentor"
has taken on quite a different meaning.
From what I can gather most "mentors", for some
reason, appear to be Dominants [with few exceptions.]
On the rare occasion that a submissive offers
mentorship it would seem to be the case that they do so
under the guidance of a Dominant [usually their own
Dominant or "Master".]
Undoubtably there are some out there who offer such
service without malice or self serving desire. Indeed I
believe there are those who do have the experience and
intellect to mentor in the capacity of "an experienced
and trusted friend", however, the question remains, how
can you judge the worth of a person's experience when
you are a novice in need of guidance yourself?
You could, of course, trust the word of another,
another who you may, equally, know very little about
[would that be such a wise thing to do?]
I must admit I do have serious reservations about the
worth of mentorship by a dominant for the purpose of
guidance in being submissive, indeed I even hold
reservations on the worth of mentorship in terms
"Protection" from what? Myself? Other people?
Would I go to a man for support and guidance in how to
be a woman?
Would he have the capacity to understand what it is to
be me [no matter how many other women he had
experience of?] He may know what he would expect to see
in a submissive, he would, more than likely, be able to
relate what he has observed in other submissive
women...but would that give him the ability to
understand and therefore guide my emotions? Would his
second-hand knowledge help me anymore than I could help
myself through first-hand experience [where my
experience is that of my own exploration?]
He could claim to protect me from "unwanted"
attention, but personally speaking I have been doing
that for myself most of my life, haven't you?
Why would I need someone to take over my protection if
it is likely to prevent me from learning how to protect
Would a man who knows very little of what is inside my
head or my past, for that matter, be able to offer me
better protection than I have spent a lifetime learning
to do myself?
Do I need the complications of additional emotions a
dominant mentor would instigate when I am already so
confused about what I need?
Could I ever be certain of his trustworthiness?
My advice to you? Find submissive friends [same sex at
that] and get to know them as friends. If you can get
together off-line so much the better.
When you feel that you can trust them with some of the
secrets inside your heart then trust them to recommend
you a "mentor".
You will probably find that by the time you are ready
for this you won't be needing a mentor [you already
have "experienced" friends.]
What you will probably be ready for is a relationship,
let the friends you've found guide and support your
search for one of those instead.
Use your own [and their] judgement and "gut feelings",
don't ever be afraid to question. All these things kept
you alive and brought you this far, didn't they? Why
Edited Fri 6 Jul 01, 10:02 PM by lili