O&P website and blog,
are where most of my new writing on M/s appears. The IE website will stay
online indefinitely to host the IE Essays and lili's writings.
lili and I pursued our M/s relationship from 2000 to 2008, and lili has kindly given her permission for these essays and posts to remain here, in the hope that submissives and slaves will continue to be helped and inspired by them.
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.
Posted by lili on Tue 14 Aug 01, 5:56 PM
Well, here's a question I've been thinking about.
What is the difference between a healthy M/s
relationship and an abusive one?
In essence and on the surface, often, one seems to be
very like the other. Its something I've struggled with
for a while.
Like some of the women I would call abused I am held
in a relatonship in which my Master has rights
[including the right to beat me if he wishes] where I
have none. He has choice and I am left choiceless.
He has the ability to make decisions on my behalf,
decisions as monumental as where we live, where or
whether I am to work to those as trivial as
what I am to wear [or not as the case may be.]
So why, when so much of my life resembles that which
so many others, including myself, would fight valiantly
against inflicting upon a woman simply because she is a
woman, is my life so right for me?
The immediate answer is, of course, my submissive
nature. The fact that I find peace in the warmth and
security a loving Dominant creates.
Look close enough and you can see the difference,
infact its so obvious its glaringly so....Its not my
submissiveness its his Dominance.
He builds me up and makes me strong in my submission.
His dominance makes him fearless of me and my
He looks upon my successes and sees in them his own.
He has no need to make me feel a failure so that he
can allude himself to success, he is successful.
He has no need to make me feel stupid in order to make
himself appear smart, he is intelligent and he has no
need to make me think I am weak so that he can feel his
strength, he is strong.
There are no comparisons in our relationship, only
pride in the achievements we make together.
Some men prefer to keep their women by making those
women so confident and strong inside their relationship
that they wouldn't wish to be anywhere else. The kind
of relationships created by good men.
In order to keep their women some men have to
undermine their woman's confidence so that they become
so fearful that, no matter how bad they feel inside the
relationship, they fear being out of it more.
The kind of relationships created by bad men.
Reading the pain some seem to be subjected to, here,
as much as anywhere, all in the name of "training"
and "testing" is the ugly part....so ugly, infact, I
can hardly bear to read them sometimes.
An M/s relationship that is good should make you feel
strong, good, worthy, confident within it, not afraid
to ask questions, or often left confused.
It should be structured and strong enough to hold you
fast and make you feel safe, whilst leaving you
delightfully vulnerable. Vulnerability mixed with
security is a devine combination rarely achieved
outside of childhood innocence.
Your relationship should be good, created and
maintained by a good man, so good, infact, that
anything outside of it feels cruel by comparison.
Ask yourself, is the relationship you are in good, bad
or down right ugly?
Edited Tue 14 Aug 01, 6:47 PM by lili