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The O&P website and blog, forums, and wiki are where most of my new writing on M/s appears. The IE website will stay online indefinitely to host the IE Essays and lili's writings. lili and I pursued our M/s relationship from 2000 to 2008, and lili has kindly given her permission for these essays and posts to remain here, in the hope that submissives and slaves will continue to be helped and inspired by them.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

Posted by lili on Tue 14 Aug 01, 5:56 PM

Well, here's a question I've been thinking about. What is the difference between a healthy M/s relationship and an abusive one? In essence and on the surface, often, one seems to be very like the other. Its something I've struggled with for a while.

Like some of the women I would call abused I am held in a relatonship in which my Master has rights [including the right to beat me if he wishes] where I have none. He has choice and I am left choiceless. He has the ability to make decisions on my behalf, decisions as monumental as where we live, where or whether I am to work to those as trivial as what I am to wear [or not as the case may be.] So why, when so much of my life resembles that which so many others, including myself, would fight valiantly against inflicting upon a woman simply because she is a woman, is my life so right for me?

The immediate answer is, of course, my submissive nature. The fact that I find peace in the warmth and security a loving Dominant creates. Look close enough and you can see the difference, infact its so obvious its glaringly so....Its not my submissiveness its his Dominance.

He builds me up and makes me strong in my submission. His dominance makes him fearless of me and my achievements. He looks upon my successes and sees in them his own. He has no need to make me feel a failure so that he can allude himself to success, he is successful. He has no need to make me feel stupid in order to make himself appear smart, he is intelligent and he has no need to make me think I am weak so that he can feel his strength, he is strong.

There are no comparisons in our relationship, only pride in the achievements we make together.

Some men prefer to keep their women by making those women so confident and strong inside their relationship that they wouldn't wish to be anywhere else. The kind of relationships created by good men.

In order to keep their women some men have to undermine their woman's confidence so that they become so fearful that, no matter how bad they feel inside the relationship, they fear being out of it more. The kind of relationships created by bad men. The ugly?.... Reading the pain some seem to be subjected to, here, as much as anywhere, all in the name of "training" and "testing" is the ugly ugly, infact, I can hardly bear to read them sometimes.

An M/s relationship that is good should make you feel strong, good, worthy, confident within it, not afraid to ask questions, or often left confused. It should be structured and strong enough to hold you fast and make you feel safe, whilst leaving you delightfully vulnerable. Vulnerability mixed with security is a devine combination rarely achieved outside of childhood innocence. Your relationship should be good, created and maintained by a good man, so good, infact, that anything outside of it feels cruel by comparison.

Ask yourself, is the relationship you are in good, bad or down right ugly?

Edited Tue 14 Aug 01, 6:47 PM by lili

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