How it was and how it is...

Posted by lili on Sun 4 Nov 01, 6:44 PM

It's been 3 months since I wrote on my weblog. Its about the same amount of time since I've written anywhere infact [well almost.]

Things have been changing, well, I guess, if I am honest, I've been changing.

I took a look at my homepage today. The first time in a long time. Too long perhaps. I don't really recognise me. I recognise my style of writting and I re-lived the emotions I felt when I wrote the essays on there. I also recognise what I was attempting to do when I wrote them.

I'm still proud of them. They chart my progress, or rather the progress of my understanding. I'm not really sure why I am writting now, I certainly don't need to, not in the way I did then. Perhaps its the start of a new chapter, and I just wanted to lay out the reasoning? Perhaps I just felt that I wanted to try and do something new [for me at least.]

I don't need to explain things to myself anymore. I think I've come to grips with the fundementals of us [me and Tanos.] I don't need validation or approval, at least not to the extent I think I did. For the moment I have come to terms with me and what I get from us.

It makes me happy, it makes me feel secure. In that respect, perhaps I won't be as challenging. I'd like to think I wasn't judgemental, but I suspect that I was to some extent at least. My opinions and values haven't changed much, but it all seems, somehow, less important than it did so I guess thats OK, because this is not really for anyone else but us.

If other people enjoy what they read here, that feels good. I won't deny that its nice to know people might get something from what I write, but if no-one reads it, well, it doesn't really matter. It doesn't change anything.

Edited Sun 4 Nov 01, 7:05 PM by lili