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The O&P website and blog, forums, and wiki are where most of my new writing on M/s appears. The IE website will stay online indefinitely to host the IE Essays and lili's writings. lili and I pursued our M/s relationship from 2000 to 2008, and lili has kindly given her permission for these essays and posts to remain here, in the hope that submissives and slaves will continue to be helped and inspired by them.

How it was and how it is...

Posted by lili on Sun 4 Nov 01, 6:44 PM

It's been 3 months since I wrote on my weblog. Its about the same amount of time since I've written anywhere infact [well almost.]

Things have been changing, well, I guess, if I am honest, I've been changing.

I took a look at my homepage today. The first time in a long time. Too long perhaps. I don't really recognise me. I recognise my style of writting and I re-lived the emotions I felt when I wrote the essays on there. I also recognise what I was attempting to do when I wrote them.

I'm still proud of them. They chart my progress, or rather the progress of my understanding. I'm not really sure why I am writting now, I certainly don't need to, not in the way I did then. Perhaps its the start of a new chapter, and I just wanted to lay out the reasoning? Perhaps I just felt that I wanted to try and do something new [for me at least.]

I don't need to explain things to myself anymore. I think I've come to grips with the fundementals of us [me and Tanos.] I don't need validation or approval, at least not to the extent I think I did. For the moment I have come to terms with me and what I get from us.

It makes me happy, it makes me feel secure. In that respect, perhaps I won't be as challenging. I'd like to think I wasn't judgemental, but I suspect that I was to some extent at least. My opinions and values haven't changed much, but it all seems, somehow, less important than it did so I guess thats OK, because this is not really for anyone else but us.

If other people enjoy what they read here, that feels good. I won't deny that its nice to know people might get something from what I write, but if no-one reads it, well, it doesn't really matter. It doesn't change anything.

Edited Sun 4 Nov 01, 7:05 PM by lili

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