O&P website and blog,
are where most of my new writing on M/s appears. The IE website will stay
online indefinitely to host the IE Essays and lili's writings.
lili and I pursued our M/s relationship from 2000 to 2008, and lili has kindly given her permission for these essays and posts to remain here, in the hope that submissives and slaves will continue to be helped and inspired by them.
How it was and how it is...
Posted by lili on Sun 4 Nov 01, 6:44 PM
It's been 3 months since I wrote on my weblog. Its
about the same amount of time since I've written
anywhere infact [well almost.]
Things have been changing, well, I guess, if I am
honest, I've been changing.
I took a look at my homepage today. The first time in a
long time. Too long perhaps. I don't really recognise
me. I recognise my style of writting and I re-lived the
emotions I felt when I wrote the essays on there. I
also recognise what I was attempting to do when I wrote
I'm still proud of them. They chart my progress, or
rather the progress of my understanding. I'm not really
sure why I am writting now, I certainly don't need to,
not in the way I did then. Perhaps its the start of a
new chapter, and I just wanted to lay out the
reasoning? Perhaps I just felt that I wanted to try and
do something new [for me at least.]
I don't need to explain things to myself anymore. I
think I've come to grips with the fundementals of us
[me and Tanos.]
I don't need validation or approval, at least not to
the extent I think I did. For the moment I have come to
terms with me and what I get from us.
It makes me happy, it makes me feel secure. In that
respect, perhaps I won't be as challenging. I'd like to
think I wasn't judgemental, but I suspect that I was to
some extent at least.
My opinions and values haven't changed much, but it all
seems, somehow, less important than it did so I guess
thats OK, because this is not really for anyone else
If other people enjoy what they read here, that feels
good. I won't deny that its nice to know people might
get something from what I write, but if no-one reads
it, well, it doesn't really matter. It doesn't change
Edited Sun 4 Nov 01, 7:05 PM by lili