lianne: on finances

Posted by lili on Mon 5 Nov 01, 7:50 PM

"One of the hardest things about being a slave is loosing financial independance" - True or false?

The old lianne, without a doubt, would have answered "True!" You see I don't believe I did too bad a job of managing my own finances in the past. Well, my bank account never exceeded my overdraft (at least my income always seemed to expand at precisely the same rate as my expenditure.) My bills were always paid before they went red and though I was never self disciplined enough to deny those impulsive purchases I was self disciplined enough to refuse the offer of credit and store cards. I guess, just like most things in my life, I liked things ordered and filed away in their appropriate places. I was [and still am] the kind of person that kept up to date spread sheets of all my finances, not that it ever influenced what and how much I spent, it just meant that I could account for every last penny and, in a funny way, that made everything OK in my book.

Today, without a doubt, I would say "False" because, when it happened, I found that I was still expected to do all the things I like doing best and, not so suprisingly, the things Tanos wanted control of were the very things that always felt like monetary burdens to me. I suppose, in many ways, I should have expected that, since so much of what we are makes us compatible opposites.

Anyway, I got to keep the organising and filing and it's still my job to make the telephone calls and write the letters needed to organise utilities etc. I'm the one who fills in the forms and mandates but Tanos is the one who has to sign them. It's true that both our wages are paid into his account now, but it is also true that all the bills get paid from the same account (his.) He gets to make the final decision on what we buy, but then, his is the only name that appears on all our bills.

I do have a current account in my name for the times he is away on business but he is the one who has to pay money into it to keep it in credit. In that way I still have to account for exactly how much I have spent, and, should he want to know, exactly what I spent it on, item by item.

On the whole, Tanos doesn't want the hassle of the mundane "pen pushing" chores. He likes that I can do all those things and leave him free to do the things he wants to do. Equally he likes that I can supply financial information as and when he asks. In many ways its like being his personal secretary, I know what's going on, its my job to keep him informed, but he is the one who makes the decisions, and that suits me more than I ever believed it would.

I know that Tanos was pretty organised before we met, but I like to think things are easier for him because of my service. He gets to make the decisions autonomously and I am allowed to keep my spreadsheets (and he tells me that makes him happy.)

Now I understand that I was never really afraid of loosing control of my finances, what really made me afraid was the thought of being kept in the dark about everything. It's as though, for me, it doesn't matter what the truth is, so long as the truth is what I am given.

Edited Tue 6 Nov 01, 7:15 AM by lili